I want something else to get me through this life.?

I only have one life to live, but I'm so lost. Everyday I wake up to this avg life, and all I want is a semi charmed life. I want to walk outside and know that everybody loves chris (me) I walk around and look at all these scrubs, and yet, somehow they're still standing, while i'm at the bottom of every barrel sinking. These people aren't heroes, they're lost souls, they haven't seen the guiding light yet. It hurts me that everyday I live all my children will suffer with a neglecting father. I'm attracted to my cousin doug's wife carrie, My mom lois is abusing my little brother malcolm, I want to take him in but i'm not even a good father to my own kids. It took me two weeks to get my first son to a hospital in port charles. That's the most I've done for him in ayear. can someone give me some guidance?